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Moving Forward… A Change in AshB
I’m having some issues with myself right now. A little bit of photographic self-esteem issues if you will. So I feel like typing out what’s going on in my head will not only inform you on what’s going on with me, but also make me feel a bit better.
I’m really fucking scared about Dragon*Con. I know I shouldn’t be but the feeling is there. Anytime someone asks me about my D*Con plans, I feel intimidated by it. Yeah its my first time attending the convention, but I’ve only been attending conventions for a year and a half. Pretty much ever convention is new to me. So what’s my issue? I keep feeling nervous that all my photos are going to suck. All of them. Its an extreme and irrational fear to have. But, its definitely there.
Because of my self consciousness about Dragon*con, I haven’t scheduled as many shoots as I normally take on. Partially because I want to get to know the new territory without the stress of shooting. But honestly, its mostly because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. The person I’m scared I’ll disappoint the most is myself.
I want every photo shoot that I work on to come out with THAT image. You know, that one image that makes you say”wow” the moment you see it. As of now, I have that image once for every convention, now, that just isn’t good enough for me.
I want to confidently walk away from every shoot and know that I got THE image. The realist in me has doubts. Not every song is going to be a hit and the same is true for photos. However, I also have a strong hopeful childlike dreamer in me that believes anything is possible.
I want to shoot to inspire others, encourage them, and challenge my own art work to continue improving. If I don’t keep moving forward, I feel like I’m falling behind. I have to keep moving.
So I’m reconsidering the way I approach conventions, photo shoots, my art work and my photographic career. After Dragon*Con, I’ll no longer be accepting paid shoots with everyone. Instead, every shoot I agree to is being approached as a personal project with one goal in mind: To make The Image.
I feel like this is the direction I need to go in to not only make my art grow, but my career as well. I hope you all will still continue to support me in my journey to the success that I hope to achieve in the end.
The support that I have already received from all of you has already been phenomenal and without it, I would have never stepped foot into a convention at all, let alone aspire to continue doing it for many years to come.
Thank you all from the bottom of my rhythmically contracting cardiac muscle. <3